On August 14, the 500th edition of the ARDELL WELLNESS REPORT (AWR) was distributed. From now on, AWR's will be written and released whenever the muse strikes, not weekly as has been the case for the past ten years. And none too soon. I have it on good authority that I am in line for an important new federal assignment - and I am going to need every waking hour to manage this awesome new opportunity.
If "Obama-care" passes, I believe I will be offered the chairmanship of the Administration's innovative new death panel. While the president has not promoted this feature of his reform proposals, most Americans are aware of the death panel idea thanks to a certain highly regarded Republican ex-governor who knows of wondrous things, as if guided by a higher power - or something.
However, since I AM a grandpa, some provisions for exemptions of certain kinds of geezers will be enacted. Anyone who favors open discussion of politics, sex and religion will be given favorable status, provided of course opinions expressed in these arenas conform to views embraced by decent, God-fearing Americans. Don't worry - as a certified reader of this blog, I'll put in a good word for you when you're summoned to appear before my panel.
I expect the death panel will be charged with identifying additional cost savings - look for incentives for abortion, infanticide and native deportations. Yes, native born deportations - why limit deportations to aliens? The real savings will be in removing unproductive citizens who do not support the American way, love Jesus, watch Fox News, fly the flag and respect the true patriots left in this country, like Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin.
All the best.
If "Obama-care" passes, I believe I will be offered the chairmanship of the Administration's innovative new death panel. While the president has not promoted this feature of his reform proposals, most Americans are aware of the death panel idea thanks to a certain highly regarded Republican ex-governor who knows of wondrous things, as if guided by a higher power - or something.
As Chairman of the Obama Death Panel, I'll probably be entitled to a huge salary, a big office and lots of perks, but these baser incentives do not compel me to accept the position. I will step up to answer the call to serve because I see it as my duty. The mission of the Obama Death Panel under my leadership will be to exploit every cost-saving potential in euthanizing the old and disabled. Basically, we'll be pulling the plug on grandma - and we're not going to do any favors for grandpa, either. Our work will save a bundle on Medicare.
Who would object to giving patients opportunities to learn about options for "care" at the end of their lives?
However, since I AM a grandpa, some provisions for exemptions of certain kinds of geezers will be enacted. Anyone who favors open discussion of politics, sex and religion will be given favorable status, provided of course opinions expressed in these arenas conform to views embraced by decent, God-fearing Americans. Don't worry - as a certified reader of this blog, I'll put in a good word for you when you're summoned to appear before my panel.
I expect the death panel will be charged with identifying additional cost savings - look for incentives for abortion, infanticide and native deportations. Yes, native born deportations - why limit deportations to aliens? The real savings will be in removing unproductive citizens who do not support the American way, love Jesus, watch Fox News, fly the flag and respect the true patriots left in this country, like Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin.
All the best.
